Loving the time I spend with him!

This guy....man I can't say enough about him. There's nothing about him that I don't like, he's sweet, sexy, muscular, silly, great smile, gorgeous eyes, gentle touch...and best of all, his personality makes mine shine! Usually I'm real shy with guys and I don't feel too comfy talking about certain things, but with him I feel more comfortable saying things that I feel. I'm more playful and show more of my sweet side, I'm a lil more fearless to put how I feel out there, and I'm always blushing when he's around me. Even after an hour of being away from him, my face is so hot and flush, my heart takes its time slowing down and my thoughts can't stay off him!
Sometimes I sit and ponder many things concerning him, like why doesn't he seem to have any flaws? How come he seems so perfect? This guy has got my head spinning so fast and I'm wondering where we could go from here... how long can this last? I'm willing to stay this way as long as he's cool with it. Lol Of all the feelings I've ever felt, the feeling he gives me is unlike any other I've had! I hear people saying "when u find ur true love, u'll know it"...but...I don't think I ever have, until now. Though I'd never admit that to him for fear of scaring him off and I don't know how he feels exactly. I'll keep my mouth shut and my fingers crossed, hoping that I can always make him as happy as he makes me.
In my eyes, he's the most wonderful man I've ever met and I want to do all I can to show him how much he means to me already. I want him 2 be able 2 go 2 bed every night, and wake up every morning with a smile on his face and thoughts of me. I'm obsessed with keeping that sexy smile spread across his face and his arms wrapped around me. As long as he's near me, my world is set in clouds and my heart is in his hands, nothing shall bring me down, and noone can take my smile!

Man...Fate brings the most desired things sometimes!

In Highschool I dated this guy who I cared about a lot. I never told him, nor would I dare do it now...lol, but he was my first love. 10 years passed since I saw him last...seeing his face again brought back so many memories that I pushed to the back of my mind because it kinda hurt that I didn't have him anymore. We kinda drifted apart when he left school because a snitch got him kicked out over something stupid. I wish we had never seperated...I really loved being around him and spending time with him. His kisses were soft and made my knees weak. His touch brought joy to me and caused my heart to stop, I swear I was unconsious when he touched me. lol When his arms were around me, I thought I had found Heaven!

Now, we talk on the phone often (though I'm not always the one talking) and we hang out sometimes. He just got out of a 2year relationship and isn't ready for another relationship. I wish I had started talking to him before he met her...that way he'd be mine and I wouldn't have to fight so damn hard to win his heart back. Though, I'm a good woman, and I'll stay my distance and allow him time to resolve his issues and figure out what he wants to do. I'll give him the time he needs to get situated and gain trust in me again. I have no intentions to hurt him or anything like that. I only hope that he sees this and realizes that I want to love him and make him happy.

Seeing him smile and happy brings me happiness. For him to be in my life, that makes me happy. If he ever needs anyone to listen to his problems or someone to hold him when he's sad, I am here with open arms to comfort him! I get this awesome feeling when he's close to me, I stop breathing when his arms wrap around me...Hell I can't see straight when he kisses me! It's almost insane how he makes me feel! And yet he doesn't even know it. Would it matter? Would I still be sitting here wondering when he's going to be mine again? Hmm... I don't know if it would matter, but until he decides what he's going to do, I'm sittin here goin' crazy

He'll forever be in my heart, he's my first love, where else would he be? lol Whatever he chooses to do in his life, as long as he's happy, then I'm happy for him. If ever he feels like the world is against him, all he's got to do is remember that I'm here with open arms to love and support him. I'll never give up the love I have for him, even if I give up on being with him again. I hope that he knows that I don't want to hurt him, and I'll always do what I can to make him happy. However, my issue is when we're talking....It's hard for me to verbally tell him things that are on my mind.

It frustrates me because I want so bad to tell him how much I wanna make him happy n make him feel appreciated and loved...but yet I can't get the words out. I could write my whole heart out for him, but words just wont come out. I want to tell him that my heart is his and always has been, that I wish he was mine again and that I wanna hold him tight and never let go!!! But the words are lost! :( I can tell him how my day was and that I missed him...but I can't tell him that I love him more than words could ever describe and I wanna kiss him for hours?

My verbal issues always cause problems, and I wish I knew how to not be so afraid to speak my mind...it's just so damn hard! There's a barrier that I can't get through and I hate it! Maybe one day I'll get over this stupid issue and be able to tell him everything i've always wanted to say...until then, I'll do my best to show him how much I care and attempt to win his heart. It pisses me off sometimes that he says "i want a family n a white pickett fence" then turns around n says he don't want a relationship right now. Which do u want?

I'm trying my hardest, yet ur putting me on the sidelines...U tell me to just be happy in the moment and not worry about the future cuz it's so far away. I want to, but I just want to know if you even plan on being with me or i'm just a fill-in til u find someone else??

So, in the mean time, I've met this other guy that just keeps getting more n more perfect...idk how he does it...it's like he's inside my head and knows the perfect answers to everything! lol I have yet to find something about him that I don't like...He's got gorgeous eyes, sexy lips, adorable lil ears, awesome smile and gives the most incredibly amazing hugs I've ever had! He's silly n makes me smile... he likes affection as much as I do, he don't smoke, he don't drink...so far he's perfect! Where the hell is his flaws at??

I like this damn dude n yet i'm too wrapped up in my HS bf to try n see what would happen between us. Should I give up on my HS bf since he's not showing the efforts i'm lookin' for and pursue this other guy that seems to show a lil more effort than him? To be quite honest, white versus black...I tend to choose black because it's sexy to me...the color contrast of us both layin' together...the looks we'd get in public by haters...the beautiful kids that we'd have...mannnn he may just end up winning me! lol!!!!

3 more weeks and I'll make my decision...I'm sure it'll be hard...but people always tell me "do what makes you happy because its ur life and noone else's"...so, if this guy makes me happy...Y not take the risk and see if he'd be good for me, or just end up hurting me like the rest of em have. I think just to be in his arms a few times and kiss those fuckin' sexy kissable lookin' lips...I'd take the chance even if he does break my heart into pieces!! :) haha!

I sit in silence sometimes and I think about spending time with him...what would we do? Would we walk down the beach an hour before sunset and hold hands sitting there looking at the sun going down? Would we go bowling and laugh at each others horrible bowl? How bout sitting on the swings at Waterfront Park downtown and enjoy the beautiful weather while talking about our future together? Maybe we'd just get a small private place at a lake or river and spend hours together fishing and getting to know one another?

It doesn't matter what we'd do...as long as I'm spending time with him and as long as he's got a smile on that gorgeous face, then I'm happy and I'd love it! Sometimes I look at his pictures and I imagine what it's gonna be like to call him my baby..my boo..my sexy teddy bear...my love...my best friend...maybe my future husband...cuz thats what he seems to be sometimes lol At times he sounds like he's the perfect guy...like my dream guy that I never thought existed! He's not a perverted lil hornball like 90% of the guys I know. He's not addicted to weed and I wouldn't have to worry bout that. He's a gamer like me and we could play games together. ...shit I don't even know what there is that I could say bad about him.

Well, I hope that things in my life turn out to be as I want them. I love that I've met someone that makes me feel like they are a drug and I'm getting addicted! lol I'm done ranting now...plz leave comments (and dont be assholes or rude...thnx)