I'm holdin on by a thread...thin and worn, I grasp it as tight as I can. When I'm around Lamont, that thread grows as thick as a rope, strong and new. I feel no stress and everything feels like its ok. When I'm not near him, can't see his face or feel his touch, things crumble again. I begin 2 fall back thru the abyss of darkness and pain until I see him again.
There's never been a person who has caused me to forget my troubles so easily...one person in the past, but not as easily as Lamont does. I'm wrapped up in a blanket of bliss and pure happiness when his arms are around me..I think that I've even forgot any thoughts in my head as soon as he's close to me.
All I can think is "wow...he makes me feel so good and I'm so addicted to being around him....I wonder if he'll ever fall in love with me n be mine forever" Though he don't seem like the type 2 do so... maybe, but not to me. He's a great guy, he's fuckin sexy as hell, and I can't help but to wanna spoil him n see him smile. He don't want a relationship...I prolly shoulda walked away when I learned that...but, maybe he'll change his mind and be my King. Maybe he'll call me his gurl n cause a whole new wave of buttflies in me.
My chest hurt when he said he ain't ready for a relationship... mostly because I was tellin myself we gon b together n I was sayin 2 myself, he's my man n we are so good 2gether, I love dis dude n I can't help it...then a tornado came n tore that away. Now I think 2 myself..."we ain't 2gether, not gon be 2gether for a while, n we jus cut friends".... prolly the wrong attitude bout it, but I've felt that way.
I wish there was a manual to guide me to find a way 2 this dudes heart n cause him 2 feel the way I do. To make him love me how I love him. How do u get a guy that's not wantin a relationship, to change? I wanna cry sumtimes cuz all I want is a happy, loving relationship wit some1 who makes me feel whole n special. I thought I had found that person... seems I've fooled myself again.
Lamont don't even say the sweet things I expect to hear, he don't do the things I want, he don't even show affectionate interest like I want... but I guess we all don't get everything we want do we? I can overlook his lack of affectionate interest like textin b4 bed, upon waking up, n thru the day jus 2 say hi n I miss u..I can overlook that he don't jus say "ur beautiful" just because... I just want him to know that i'd do almost anything for him, give him anything I can, and support him on whatever he needs. I want to be the best friend he could ever ask for and the best female he's ever been involved with... is there a correct path to that place?
I'm obsessed, addicted, and infatuated with him, he's on my mind 24/7 no matter what I do! One day, he'll say "I love you" and I'll faint...he seems too good to be true. I haven't found a sizable flaw in him yet, and my heart keeps growing for him... I love him more than I probably even should so soon....but I wouldn't take it back n never regret it.

Thru all of this stress and disaster I'm going thru, all I need is the presence of him 2 make things ok, if only for a few hours...I'm happy! I just hope that I make him atleast half as happy as he makes me, n he don't even realize he's got a good female in front of him... he don't want a relationship tho...I seem to be stuck on that.... it floors me how I can fall for some1 who ain't mine n don't wanna be. It causes tears in my eyes n pain in my chest. What the fuck do I have to do to get what I want in this world?... *sigh* I won't give up tho, not yet...I'll stand here n wait until I break... I ain't ready to let him leave my life, nor my heart. Lamont...you have 100% of me, yet I have 10% of u.... I wish I knew y u don't wanna be in a relationship...and how to change that. Its killing me... my stress level is higher when I think about it and add it to my problems... which that list is a mile long already... but I love u...I won't give up on reaching for ur heart! Xoxo babe, love u always!