Done did it again.... Go figure.

Find a guy, fall for a guy, get hurt by the guy.... Seems to be a repetitive thing with me. I don't understand why it seems that when I decide to open up, that's when the guy is like "ok, time to rip her heart out". The theme seems to be "I don't want a relationship" or "I don't think I was ready to be in a relationship yet, I'm sorry to hurt you"... What you really mean is "I've enjoyed fucking you and gettin' benefits...but I'm done now. I just said I love you to get in your pants". Thanks, next time just let me know IN ADVANCE that we ain't gonna be nothin' serious...k?

Sometimes I wonder why I even try with these guys. I wonder why they feel like it's ok to get what they want and I don't get shit that I want. These guys don't give a shit about doing sweet and romantic things now-a-days. Guys don't feel they should have to reassure you of their "supposed" love they have for you. Doesn't anyone in this day and age enjoy making their woman feel like they are the only one on their mans mind? Don't guys like making a woman feel special anymore?

I don't get why I can't find someone who wants to be loved and spoiled....I don't understand the concept of "let's take it slow"...doesn't that mean "I wanna fuck you, but not be committed to you"..? I guess I just have to re-evaluate what it is that I want from a guy...and maybe one of these lucky days, I'll find what I'm looking for. Wondering some times, "what the hell do I even want in a relationship?" I want a guy who does the things for me, that I do for him!!

Learning from my past relationships, I don't want a guy who can't even let me know when he's not gonna be there for me. Don't want a guy that lies to my face and expects me to believe him. A guy that can't look me in the eye and promise me that he's all mine and noone else has access to him. I really don't want a guy that thinks the only way he can have a good time is to go out clubbin' n drinkin'...that's not what I want in my life. I don't want a guy that is afraid to commit to me...which apparently that's the hardest thing to find because guys aint about shit no more!

I want someone who isn't afraid to show their affection, I want a guy that makes sure I know he's all mine! A guy that likes to see a smile on my face knowing he put it there. A guy that will come n pick me up without me having to ask. I want a guy that is gonna buy small random things for me just because seeing it, made him think of me. (Not frequently, just once in a while) Someone that texts me often just to say he's thinking of me and misses me, or calls to hear my voice because it makes his day. ...hard to comply with? Apparently so!

I think the hardest thing in my life to try and do, is have a lasting relationship. The guys I wanna have a relationship with, don't wanna have nothin' serious, and the ones that I just wanna have a good time with, they wanna settle down. Everything always ends up ass backwards! Guess life goes the way it goes for a reason.

There's still love in my heart for one guy... it just so happens, that he doesn't want a fuckin' relationship!! My recent ex.... I find it funny how easily I let him go. I love him alot, and I wish that we had a better relationship together besides him tellin' me the pussy is "off the chain" and his bullshit about marriage n he loves me to death...But..fuck it. He's got a place in my heart, that spot has been burned there for the last few years. I'll never forget him, though I'll never have him back in my life to hurt me again.

One day, someone will realize that I'm a good woman, that deserves to be treated good and they'll fall head over heels in love. Knowing my odds, they'll realize it when it's too damn late and I would have moved on before they see what they've lost. I guess I just don't give a shit anymore tho. The person that I really want... it looks like he's not too interested in having me. So, he is just another one that I'll have to let go. I'm not the type of person that is just gonna sit around and wait for you to decide that having a relationship with me is worth it or not. Either you wanna be with me, or you don't! Don't bullshit me! It's your loss if you don't want me, I aint losin' a damn thing.

My theory on relationships, is that they aren't worth the efforts that I put into them. Why am I gonna try n spoil a man who doesn't even appreciate it? Why am I going to do things for you, when you don't do shit for me? lol I'm done with the bullshit...I'ma just do me, and fuck who don't like it! I'm on my own shit now... noone wants to be loved n appreciated. Why should I keep on trying?

L.F (you know ur own name...figure that out), I want you, I wanna make you happy n spoil you, I want you to feel loved and appreciated. You don't want a relationship...but I aint gonna sit n wait, either you want to be with me, or you don't. That "take it slow" shit, doesn't fly with me. xoxo babe.... Much love!

I used to sit and wonder.."Is there really such a thing out there called 'love'? I wonder if I'll ever find a love like the stories tell of." Sometimes I think I've found it, then I'm proven wrong. Looking for the right person to spend my life with, I've ran into a lot of douche bags along the way. Seems I don't know the things about them that I should, before I pour my heart into them.

A few years back, I met a guy that caught my attention immediately upon meeting him. I wanted to get with him asap, but he didn't feel like it would be a good idea...so I kinda just let that idea go. I lost touch with him and regained contact a few times. The most recent time we saw one another...I couldn't let him go again. We started talking again and I just grew more n more addicted to him. His swag is thru the roof!

Being that I was currently in a relationship, that I really wasn't completely happy in... I had to find a way out of it and get with this guy so bad that it killed me to not be with him! Everything about him turns me on, his voice, his walk, his smile, his eyes, his silly ways he sings songs and makes faces, the way he looks when he's thinking about something important....I'm addicted to him on every level.

Finally got him and my world came into a perfect alignment...He is there when I need him, he spends time with me, he makes me laugh and smile, he makes me feel comfortable and like I can be open with him about most things...the rest will have to be worked on. I fell in love because he made me feel complete!

After a while of spending time together, lovin in hotel rooms, being happy together, sharing dreams and ambitions together, a marriage in the future.... He says he doesn't think he's ready to be in a relationship. Are you kidding me? Didn't u just ask me less than a month ago if I'd marry you? Didn't you say you are ready to live with me and wake up next to me everyday? Now you decide that you need time to think about things and figure out what you want?

I'm not sure what I've done in my life to bring me the pain that seems to come my way. This time, I put all I had into trying to make sure he's happy, give him love and affection, let him know he's what I want and noone could take me from him... I tried to do things right and keep a smile on his face. But I went wrong? Why do I feel like I made a mistake? I took my walls down for him to come in and tear me apart?

I'm not sure how to save this relationship....In my experience, when a relationship needs to "slow down", it's basically over. How do you recover from a blow that is so devastating to your heart that you are suddenly lost and have no idea what to do? I'd give anything to make this better...do anything to make him see that I love him more than anything in this entire world. There's nothing in this world I want more than to have his love and attention. I want to be on his mind 24/7, I want him to send me messages first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If he would tell me all the time that he's happy and loves me with every inch of his heart, I'd never stop smiling. I want him to know that even when he feels like noone on Earth gives a fuck about him, I'll still be by his side holding his hand and loving him.

With every beat of my heart I love him more and more... I feel like I allowed my love for him to grow stronger than his love for me. Why didn't I see this coming? Guess I was so blinded by the fact that he's so damn perfect and makes me feel so alive...that I couldn't pay attention to anything else. Damn... I feel like my heart got ripped out and he's the one holding it. I think that his previous relationship caused this trouble for me. I almost feel like he isn't over his love for another female. Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe I'm right...either way... I want him to love only me now, and forever.

When we are together, I feel like nothing could bring me down. The smile on my face is there because I love the time we share together, I love that he makes sure I'm ok and nothing is wrong. I love that he makes me smile even when I don't want to. When we are alone, sitting in the car, talking about random topics...I'm happy. If we were stranded out in the middle of nowhere, it wouldn't matter because I would be happy just spending time with the man that I love!

Loving someone has never been something that felt so good to me before... opening my soul to someone hasn't been something I looked forward to before... I fell in love with him and I don't regret it, I wouldn't change it, and I would never hurt him. I love him so much...I'm torn apart by not knowing what our future holds. Will we bounce back from this setback? Will we break up and forget that we even went this far? Does he want to have a serious, committed relationship with me? Does he understand that I love him more than anything in the world? I'd do anything for him, for his happiness, for his love... I love to see him smile, but somewhere, his smile was lost.

There's a path to finding a way for him to open up his soul, open his heart to me...open his life to me, and I'm not ready to give up on that. I'm not leaving his side, I'm not looking for a plan B just incase we don't work out, I'm not gonna leave him for another guy just because there's rocks in the road, I won't back down just because he's caused me pain and let me down. I'm going to stand here and love him more than ever, I'm going to continue to give him all the love I have and all the affection I can give. I want to spend my life with him and make him happier than any other female in the world ever has, or ever could! I want him to see that if he's not happy, I'm not happy. I want him to know that he can do anything and be anything he wants and I'm still going to love him regardless.

Never, in all my relationships, have I felt like this about someone... If there was a speedbump along the way, I took another road and never looked back. But not with him...I'll take the speedbumps and continue riding the same road because of the amount of love I have for him. He doesn't understand just how much of a difference he has made in me, he don't understand that our relationship has no ability to move too fast because in my eyes, we are moving along just fine. Living together? Marriage? I'll accept all of that with no regrets because I know that I only want him in my life. There's no possibility of us breaking up because of someone else, there's no chance of me cheating on him, there's no way I'd turn my back on him... though I may forget sometimes that he loves me, and I question what happens in his day and where he goes and what he does.... I dont mean for it to seem like I don't trust him.

I'm used to being hurt, I'm used to lies, mistrust, cheaters, and I'm used to having to keep a guard up. I feel like every man has secrets, every man does dirt because they feel like there is no woman worth being loved truly and being good to. But I am that woman, I am worth being loved and I am worth being good to. I can be the greatest relationship any guy has ever had...and I will be that woman when I see that no other woman is on my man's mind. When I am told frequently that he loves me, he adores me, he don't see no other woman in his heart but me. I will be that woman when he pushes all my doubts aside and makes me see that he's all about me.

I love my man...I love him more than there are stars in the sky. How exactly do I tell him that and have him understand? He's all I could ever ask for and he's all I want. My heart belongs to him...Noone else can take ownership over it as long as he's loving me!!