Find a guy, fall for a guy, get hurt by the guy.... Seems to be a repetitive thing with me. I don't understand why it seems that when I decide to open up, that's when the guy is like "ok, time to rip her heart out". The theme seems to be "I don't want a relationship" or "I don't think I was ready to be in a relationship yet, I'm sorry to hurt you"... What you really mean is "I've enjoyed fucking you and gettin' benefits...but I'm done now. I just said I love you to get in your pants". Thanks, next time just let me know IN ADVANCE that we ain't gonna be nothin' serious...k?
Sometimes I wonder why I even try with these guys. I wonder why they feel like it's ok to get what they want and I don't get shit that I want. These guys don't give a shit about doing sweet and romantic things now-a-days. Guys don't feel they should have to reassure you of their "supposed" love they have for you. Doesn't anyone in this day and age enjoy making their woman feel like they are the only one on their mans mind? Don't guys like making a woman feel special anymore?
I don't get why I can't find someone who wants to be loved and spoiled....I don't understand the concept of "let's take it slow"...doesn't that mean "I wanna fuck you, but not be committed to you"..? I guess I just have to re-evaluate what it is that I want from a guy...and maybe one of these lucky days, I'll find what I'm looking for. Wondering some times, "what the hell do I even want in a relationship?" I want a guy who does the things for me, that I do for him!!
Learning from my past relationships, I don't want a guy who can't even let me know when he's not gonna be there for me. Don't want a guy that lies to my face and expects me to believe him. A guy that can't look me in the eye and promise me that he's all mine and noone else has access to him. I really don't want a guy that thinks the only way he can have a good time is to go out clubbin' n drinkin'...that's not what I want in my life. I don't want a guy that is afraid to commit to me...which apparently that's the hardest thing to find because guys aint about shit no more!
I want someone who isn't afraid to show their affection, I want a guy that makes sure I know he's all mine! A guy that likes to see a smile on my face knowing he put it there. A guy that will come n pick me up without me having to ask. I want a guy that is gonna buy small random things for me just because seeing it, made him think of me. (Not frequently, just once in a while) Someone that texts me often just to say he's thinking of me and misses me, or calls to hear my voice because it makes his day. ...hard to comply with? Apparently so!
I think the hardest thing in my life to try and do, is have a lasting relationship. The guys I wanna have a relationship with, don't wanna have nothin' serious, and the ones that I just wanna have a good time with, they wanna settle down. Everything always ends up ass backwards! Guess life goes the way it goes for a reason.
There's still love in my heart for one guy... it just so happens, that he doesn't want a fuckin' relationship!! My recent ex.... I find it funny how easily I let him go. I love him alot, and I wish that we had a better relationship together besides him tellin' me the pussy is "off the chain" and his bullshit about marriage n he loves me to death...But..fuck it. He's got a place in my heart, that spot has been burned there for the last few years. I'll never forget him, though I'll never have him back in my life to hurt me again.
One day, someone will realize that I'm a good woman, that deserves to be treated good and they'll fall head over heels in love. Knowing my odds, they'll realize it when it's too damn late and I would have moved on before they see what they've lost. I guess I just don't give a shit anymore tho. The person that I really want... it looks like he's not too interested in having me. So, he is just another one that I'll have to let go. I'm not the type of person that is just gonna sit around and wait for you to decide that having a relationship with me is worth it or not. Either you wanna be with me, or you don't! Don't bullshit me! It's your loss if you don't want me, I aint losin' a damn thing.
My theory on relationships, is that they aren't worth the efforts that I put into them. Why am I gonna try n spoil a man who doesn't even appreciate it? Why am I going to do things for you, when you don't do shit for me? lol I'm done with the bullshit...I'ma just do me, and fuck who don't like it! I'm on my own shit now... noone wants to be loved n appreciated. Why should I keep on trying?
L.F (you know ur own name...figure that out), I want you, I wanna make you happy n spoil you, I want you to feel loved and appreciated. You don't want a relationship...but I aint gonna sit n wait, either you want to be with me, or you don't. That "take it slow" shit, doesn't fly with me. xoxo babe.... Much love!
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